Monday 21 January 2008

Reading my daily paper

the other day I found myself sucked into the full page adverts for those little, blue coloured sex enhancing pills. The pushers' don't actually make any lurid claims they just hint at their product's efficacy.

I realise that they are maybe just a scam but my having something akin to a loose weekend I've been along and got myself some anyway (I was a bit embarrassed to purchase them in the Adults Only store but I bought a couple of magazines to wrap them up in so's I could smuggle them past the missus.)

A glossy copy of "BIG BAD BUNNIES" and another that was obviously Scandinavian going by the name of: "BRING ME ON I BRING YOU OF!" It maybe foreign with a few typos but hey, we are supposed to be encouraging our European friends and anyway, I do hear that the language is quite easy to understand once you get into it.

But on taking one of these much vaunted preparations I've discovered that these little blue tablets are of little help taken orally, even after a bath. However, I find that if you dissolve one in a little warm baby oil and massage it in (or get a friend to do it for you) you can get quite an improvement.

NB: If you find a whole pill too effective you should try cutting one in half. Either that or study a picture of Jade Goody in a bikini to bring you back down to Earth.

Friday 18 January 2008

Weather forecast for 2008


2008 is going to be the dryest year on record in the UK. With a heatwave lasting for months and no rain at all during that time this will be a long drawn out drought causing reservoir levels to plummet.

A hose-pipe ban will be brought in in early June and the ban will continue throughout the summer and will not be lifted until September.

Stand-pipes will be erected on street corners and water bowsers stationed where necessary. Don't forget to fill your kettle.

How do I know all this?

Well, in my newspaper today it says:-

"It's going to be the WETTEST year ever. Torrential rain is set to cause havoc with more flooding. Severe-Weather warnings have been issued with up to 100mm of rain forcast for tomorrow and Sunday. This is expected to cause flooding and chaos on the roads. Signs are that it will be the WETTEST year on record."

So said Barry Gromett, a spokesman for The British Meteorology Office.

Now, I ask you. Who are you going to believe, Me or the Met. Office?

Thursday 17 January 2008

Space, the final curtain




Little Tiaali Willems, having finished her book, laid it down atop the bedside table. It had been a wonderful read for she adored stories about space travel. She often wondered if one day it would become reality and that journeying into space to visit other worlds would not only be possible but would also be an everyday experience.

She wondered what the people would be like on these other worlds. Maybe they were like the one eyed green monsters with terrible claws as they were depicted in her book : “Children of the Quest” or maybe they were more like her, normal.

She switched off the bedside light and was just about to snuggle down in her cosy bed when her attention was caught by the yellowy moon as it hove into view through her half curtained window. Being at its fullest it was very bright and cast beams throughout the bedroom and danced off any shiny bright objects that it reached.

“At least we've been there,” she thought to herself, “though it's just a bare, dusty and windswept rock, at least astronauts have landed on that. It's a start.”

She remembered her brother Sim saying that there were billions of other stars out there in the galaxy and even more billions of galaxies out there in the universe so there MUST be other planets with other intelligent life existing there. Tam, her other brother, had thought so too, and you had to believe Tam 'cos he was the eldest and he knew everything.

Deep in thought, she watched as the moon continued in its arc heading towards the skyline where soon it would drop down and disappear below the horizon. Although she was only a fifth year student, she had picked up quite an education in astronomy. In regard to the movement of the planets the moons and the sun in particular, she was very adept. With her eyes fixed on the moon she caught a fleeting glimpse of a meteor as it burned brightly through the dense atmosphere of her world.

Still contemplating the possibility of life being far out there in space, she watched as the moon finally dipped below the horizon and shortly after that the room became enveloped in complete blackness. A shiver coursed through her young body.

Although by now quite tired, Tiaali decided to wait awhile until the second moon of her planet arose in the east to cast its beautiful rainbow colored glow on her world. She watched enthralled for some minutes as this new miriad light spectra danced around her bedroom before - taking off her triple lens glasses from the bridges of her two noses and snuggling down in her five metre bed - she tried to sleep.

Copyright 2008: Anthony W. Allsop

Wednesday 9 January 2008

The Nuclear Debate.

The Nuclear Debate.

This latest rumour regarding nuclear power stations has the populace running around like a bunch of Corporal Joneses. Although, I would echo the old corporal's sentiments and declare:

"Don't panic Mister Mainwaring, don't panic."

Most argument against the commissioning of these new generating plants is in regard to the problems of safe decommissioning at the end of their useful life.

But whatever relatively small amounts of the highly active nuclear waste is produced, it's destined to be buried in the depths of these otherwise redundant sites, it will be encased within vitrified rock (glass) whereby the radioactivity will decay at an extremely slow rate over many years.

But you have to bear in mind that this atomic degrading action has been happening naturally all around us for many millions of years. Many rocks, granite for instance, are radioactive and this radiation has been dissipating amid large and concentrated deposits with since the day that they were formed in their molten state back to almost the beginning of time. We are also bombarded on clear days by potentially deadly solar radiation from our sun.

Until the boffins' can crack the problems of economically separating water into its two basic elements (oxygen and hydrogen) each of which are fuels that can be exploited to make heat and thus power, or come up with some other futuristic energy such as fusion, nuclear power is the only practical way to go.

Coal was once the only way to go but coal did have its drawbacks. Many were injured or killed in the mining of it. Others were choked to death (pneumonicosis, lung cancer etc) from the smoke exuded from countless factory and home fires.

Oil had its casualties too, both in the drilling for it and the fighting for it (see what's happened in the Middle East). I doubt that anything like those casualty figures will be a feature of the newer nuclear age either during or after the operating life of the power generating stations.

Let's all go forward and not back. If we don't do it our economic rival's will. You know it makes sense.

AWA.

Wednesday 2 January 2008

Coke Can Cop.


The burglar, caught becos his DNA was found on a Coke can, should make the authorities sit up and take note.

If everyone's DNA was on a National DNA Register, it could mean the end of litter on our streets. It would also help cut the unsociable crimes of fly tipping and chewing gum dropping, not to mention helping towards the solving of more serious crime.

We might even have a Dog DNA register which would include compulsory pet chipping. That way we might at last give the present dog fouling law some fangs cos as that law stands at the moment, it is crap.

I'd also like to see statutory £1,000 fines introduced for many of these unsociable offences.

About Me

My photo
Mansfield, United Kingdom
I am over 79. Up to a couple of years ago I'd have described myself as fit and decisive. Now I'm not so sure. I am into DIY. If my wife asks me to do something I say; "Do It Yourself".....Click on my Older Posts for more reading. Or try: http://www.chrisbeach.co.uk/viewQuotes.php