Comedy eras.

A PUB SKETCH.


(This is an idea for a comedic sketch that I offered to the producers of the "Hale and Pace" ITV comedy series. They turned it down.)


[Man enters pub and approaches the bar]


Landlord: Good evening sir. What would you like to drink?


Man: I'll have a large whisky and soda please.


[The landlord reaches for a glass, puts it up to the optic and fills it. After topping it up with soda he places it before the man. The man takes a sip]


Landlord: That'll be £4.80 please.


Man: Oh no it isn't. I distinctly recall that you offered to buy me a drink.


[The landlord is taken aback, but still insists on the payment. He turns to another customer who is sitting at the bar]


Landlord: Did you hear me offer to buy him a drink?


Man 2: Are you asking my advice? 'Cos I am a lawyer.


Landlord: Of course I'm asking you. Did I offer him a free drink or what?


Man 2: Yes you did, I heard you. And what's more, seeing as I'm a lawyer, I'll have to charge you for any advice. My fees are costed at £156 per hour or part thereof.


Landlord: Get lost!


Man 2: Look. I have witnesses here who heard you ask for my advice, knowing that I'm a lawyer. I will be sending you a bill to cover my costs and I will be adding vat too. But if you put a double brandy in my glass we'll say no more about it.


[The landlord thinks deeply and then reluctantly pours the large brandy]


Man 2: Don't forget the soda!


Landlord: [Splashing soda in] Here, get that down you and then clear off out, the pair of you and don't come back!


[The two men finish off their drinks and leave the pub]


[Just a few minutes later the two men walk back into the pub and up to the bar]


[The landlord glares at them]


Landlord: I thought I told you two not to come in here again!


Man: What on earth are you talking about? We've never been in here before!


Landlord: Well if you haven't then you both must have doubles.


Man 2: That's very kind of you, landlord. I'll have a double brandy and my friend here will have a large whisky and soda.


Anthony W Allsop. CR011098