Sunday, 11 February 2018

The Flood

I observed that an atheist had written:

"Stop, look up. See that commercial airliner? It's at a cruising altitude of 30,000 ft. Obviously the cabin is pressurised and heated in order to keep passengers and crew alive.

"Mt. Everest is 29,029 ft high. Add a few ft to that and up there you're almost at the height of that jet (the bible says God flooded the earth to a few ft above the highest mountain) and you're seriously telling me you believe the world was flooded to that height because a bronze age book told you to believe it!? So for an entire year Noah and the entire world's animal, bird and fish populations lived on an ark IN the death zone where no human has ever survived long because there isn't enough oxygen and heat to sustain human life."
 

End of the atheist's rant.


Well, I too am an atheist so we had something in common but I still wrote in reply.


"Although I don't go along with the ridiculous story of Noah and the flood, you are completely wrong when you talk about the death zone Noah would have found himself in.

"You see, the rising sea level would push up the Earth's atmosphere along with the ark so the thickness and temperature of the surrounding air would be similar to that at normal sea level. It would still be hotter at the equator and colder at the poles, too.

"Just thought you'd like to know that I'm not entirely biased in my views."

Tuesday, 19 December 2017

My Youngest Sister's Dying Wish.

My youngest sister's dying wish.

The Last Wishes of Sylvia Ann Pothecary. (To be opened only after my death.)

My Last Wishes.

I do not want a funeral, especially not a religious one. I do not believe in god, any god. Ergo, I do not believe in Heaven or Hell. ‘Heaven’ is where you choose it to be.

After death I will travel and fly amongst the stars and planets, maybe catch a ride on an asteroid or comet. Come in Hale-Bopp, I'm waiting for you.

My last wishes on this world are:

1) The funeral director to take my body and have it cremated in private.

2) My ashes to be put into a proper pot.

3) My ashes to be taken to Grassthorpe (UK) and scattered on the railway track there, just before The Flying Scotsman comes thundering past.

4) If anyone would like to say something at this scattering, please try to say something nice and put your arms around [my husband] Peter's shoulders.

5) Show this to my family and friends so they can understand.

   Sylvia Ann Pothecary (Nee Allsop) 1943-2017.

Tuesday, 14 November 2017

Mouse pauseable,


To pause on hover. Hover the mouse and see how easy it is.

CAN THERE EVER BE A HUMANIST MUSLIM?

My version of CAN THERE EVER BE A HUMANIST MUSLIM?

A hyper-zealous, religious Facebook friend (I will refer to him as X) told us today that he is a Humanist Muslim.

Honestly, this was a surprised, so I took some time to look back over his past comments to see if there was any evidence for his claim.

Humanism is based on some fundamental tenets. These are not always expressed identically, but most humanists would agree with the following eight tenets.

1. HUMANISM: Accepts a wholly natural universe which exists without any need for a supernatural mind or consciousness.

X: Believes in a non-material creator god and a whole pantheon of supernatural minds. FAIL.

2. HUMANISM: Accepts human life is a product of natural processes and the mind is entirely a function of a material brain.

X: Believes human life was created by a creator god and the mind cannot function without a spirit. FAIL.

3. HUMANISM: Holds that there is no conscious survival after death.

X: Believes in eternal life after death which provides sexual plenty for males who pass certain tests. FAIL.

4. HUMANISM: Has confidence that humans can solve their own problems by relying on reason, evidence, the scientific method and long-term vision.

X: Believes God guides us in solving problems. FAIL.

5. HUMANISM: Holds that morality should be grounded on the goal of this-worldly happiness for all humankind, without distinction of nation, gender, race or religion.

X: Believes morality comes exclusively from a supernatural source and happiness is not a goal for people whose beliefs diverge from his own. FAIL.

6. HUMANISM: Promotes government based on democratic principles in which everyone of legal age has equal rights and government is strictly separated from any religion.

X: Believes there is an important role for Islamic clerics in government but no role for other faiths and no role for unbelievers. FAIL.

7. HUMANISM: Encourages unending questioning of basic assumptions and convictions and holds that no idea is above challenge.

X: Believes that some ideas are sacrosanct and may not ever be challenged by humans--they just have to be accepted.

8. HUMANISM: Subscribes to extensive human rights for all. The Universal Declaration of Human Rights is a close, if not perfect, match to humanist ideals.

X: There is a wide divergence between the Universal Declaration and Bello's views. I can give some examples based on his actual answers to questions asked of him.

X holds that:

a) It should be a punishable crime for Muslims to change their religion or have no religion.

b) It should be a punishable crime to publicly criticise Islam.

c) It should be a punishable crime for gay couples to live together.

d) It should be legal to rape women captured during a military conflict.

e) Atheists and non-Muslims should have inferior legal rights to Muslims.

f) It should be legal for a man to assault his wife.

g) Men should have superior legal rights in marriage and divorce than women.

h) Brothers should be legally entitled to a greater share of an inheritance than sisters.

i) Women should be treated less favourably in a court of law than men.

j) Men should have superior access to education than women.

Every one of X's beliefs listed here would contravene the Universal Declaration, some will shock most of us to the core.

Clearly, X is not a Humanist on this tenet. FAIL.

X, shares NONE of these eight common tenets with Humanism, so why does he claim to be a Humanist?

I don't know. I guess he is either trying to deceive us, or he has no idea what he is talking about.

Perhaps what worries me more than anything is that X is proud of his backward, pre-medieval views--so proud that he declared today, "Islam, I am convinced, is the best system that can endure all times of human existence."

Damn!

~ With credit to Bill Flavell ~

Sunday, 24 September 2017

The Second Coming. (Maybe)

"The Second Coming. (maybe)"

As a realist/atheist I do not deny that a man called Jesus existed in history. However as a realist/atheist I have to deny that man Jesus the position of being the son of god.

I've heard that "The Second Coming" is imminent.

I can just see it now:

Scene 1. Bedroom of a mid-terrace two up two down in the Midlands UK

Nurse: Push!.... Push!

Marline: I'm f*****g pushing dammit!

Midwife: Push! Just a little more. Push..

Marline: Aaaaaaaaaaagh!

Midwife: Nearly there, I can see the head! Push!

Marline: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh! Fffffffffffuu.........ck!

Midwife: Here he comes.........

Baby: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah! ... Waaaaaaaaaaah!

Sheep: Baaaaaaaaaa!

Midwife: Who let that bloody sheep in here! Get it out!

Sheep: Baaaaaaaaaa!

1st Wise man (package in hand): I bring gif.......

Midwife and Marline in unison: P**s off and take that damn sheep with you!

2nd Wise man (proffering a wrapped package): B-b-b-but we have travelled afar and..!

Midwife: I don't care how far you've come, f**k off and take that daft bottle of scent back to BOOTS!

3rd Wise man: Well! Really! Don't you know who's this child is?

Marline: What's it do with you you, toss-pot?

Joe (Marline's partner): Hey, it's got red hair!

Marline: Well... er... what if he has?

Joe: I ain't got red hair! You ain't got red hair!

Marline's second cousin, Jerome "Ginger" Adair, is listening at the door. Seconds later he's heard out in the street trying to kick-start his ageing motorbike.

Marline: More gas, nurse!!

Midwife: You've had the baby, you shouldn't need anymore ga...

Marline: Gasssssss!!!

Midwife clamps the mask over Marline's face.

Joe: He's got red hair!

Sounds off (subdued): Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Sounds off: motorbike bursting into loud life and roaring off down the street.
Midwife: Have you thought of a name?

Marline: I think I'll call him Jeremy.



Scene 2. It's six years later. In the dingy back-street, small boys are playing.


Jeremy: I am the son of God!

Tom: No you ain't, you tosser.


Jeremy: I am.

Dick: No you ain't, Jez Mitchell, you is a pillock.


Jeremy: I am the second coming of the lord thy saviour.

Tom: P**s off! I'm gonna tell your mum on you.

Tom walks the short distance to 
Jeremy's Mum's mid-terraced house and knocks on the door.

It opens.


Marline: Yes?

Tom: Mrs Mitchell, your Jez is spoiling our game. He keeps saying he's the son of God or somethink.

Marline (angry): I'll give him son of God. He's been full of these silly ideas since his dad buggered off and left me.

(She calls loudly into the street): 
Jeremy!!!

Jeremy: Yes mother?

Marline: 
Jeremy...., take that silly sheet from around your head and play nice. You'll be coming in for your tea in a minute.

Jeremy: Aw mum, do I have to? My people need me.

Marline: I'll give you "my people need me" when I get you in here!!

Dick: Told yer! You're a crazy git Jez Mitchell.



Scene 3. Ten years later. Inside a Super-Store at night with some shelf-stackers at work.

Sam (the overseer): We need more Fairy washing up liquid on aisle fourteen, Brad. Make sure it's full to overflowing. Then take a load of those bog-of frozen chickens and stock up the end chest in aisle 6.

Brad: Why is it always ME that has to handle the frozen stuff? My fingers are like ferkin ice. Can't Jez do it?

Sam: I've been trying to find Jez for the past hour, he seems to have disappeared.

Brad: He's always doing that, disappearing. One minute he's there and the next minute... Puff, he's gone.

Sounds off. Puff!! 
Jeremy walks from between the stacked Cornflakes.

Jeremy: You seek me and am here.

Brad: Where the 'ell 'ave you been? We're short 'anded as it is! Giz us a lift wi these frozen chickens, will yer.

Sam: Aye, give 'im an 'and, Jez. We ain't gorrall neet you idle bugger.


Jeremy: The Lord works in mysterious ways.. his wonders to perform.

Sam: Well he ain't the only one and you ain't no lord, so get your bloody finger out.

Brad: And take that silly towel off your head.

......to be continued (maybe)

Set it free.




Got any gum chum?

This is only going to be a very short blog.

My cousin is a pigeon fancier and breeder. For the past dozen years or so he has been working flat out to breed a pigeon that eats spearmint and now he has cracked it!

These pigeons will set about eating the filthy stuff that is constantly being spat out onto our pavemented areas and walkways.

He tells me that it wasn't easy or cheap to train his birds to eat chewing gum because he had to work on a reward system to encourage the birds to take to the sticky mess. During diligent research he discovered that the only thing they seemed to like BETTER than their enforced diet of spearmint was fag ends (cigarette ends, old stogies) but that has also proved something of a bonus.

Another bonus is that the pigeons have taken to only crapping on spearmint chewers and smokers, possibly to force these people to disgorge their pigeon"food".

If there are any local authorities out there who would like to learn more about this breed of pigeon, please contact me at this page.

Coo!

About Me

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Mansfield, United Kingdom
I am over 69. Up to a couple of years ago I'd have described myself as fit and decisive. Now I'm not so sure. I am into DIY. If my wife asks me to do something I say; "Do It Yourself".....Click on my Older Posts for more reading. Or try: http://www.chrisbeach.co.uk/viewQuotes.php