"The Second Coming. (maybe)"
As a realist/atheist I do not deny that a man called Jesus existed in history. However as a realist/atheist I have to deny that man Jesus the position of being the son of god.
I've heard that "The Second Coming" is imminent.
I can just see it now:
Scene 1. Bedroom of a mid-terrace two up two down in the Midlands UK
Nurse: Push!.... Push!
Marline: I'm f*****g pushing dammit!
Midwife: Push! Just a little more. Push..
Midwife: Nearly there, I can see the head! Push!
Marline: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh! Fffffffffffuu.........ck!
Midwife: Here he comes.........
Baby: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah! ... Waaaaaaaaaaah!
Midwife: Who let that bloody sheep in here! Get it out!
1st Wise man (package in hand): I bring gif.......
Midwife and Marline in unison: P**s off and take that damn sheep with you!
2nd Wise man (proffering a wrapped package): B-b-b-but we have travelled afar and..!
Midwife: I don't care how far you've come, f**k off and take that daft bottle of scent back to BOOTS!
3rd Wise man: Well! Really! Don't you know who's this child is?
Marline: What's it do with you you, toss-pot?
Joe (Marline's partner): Hey, it's got red hair!
Marline: Well... er... what if he has?
Joe: I ain't got red hair! You ain't got red hair!
Marline's second cousin, Jerome "Ginger" Adair, is listening at the door. Seconds later he's heard out in the street trying to kick-start his ageing motorbike.
Marline: More gas, nurse!!
Midwife: You've had the baby, you shouldn't need anymore ga...
Midwife clamps the mask over Marline's face.
Joe: He's got red hair!
Sounds off (subdued): Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Sounds off: motorbike bursting into loud life and roaring off down the street.
Midwife: Have you thought of a name?
Marline: I think I'll call him Jeremy.
Scene 2. It's six years later. In the dingy back-street, small boys are playing.
Jeremy: I am the son of God!
Tom: No you ain't, you tosser.
Jeremy: I am.
Dick: No you ain't, Jez Mitchell, you is a pillock.
Jeremy: I am the second coming of the lord thy saviour.
Tom: P**s off! I'm gonna tell your mum on you.
Tom walks the short distance to Jeremy's Mum's mid-terraced house and knocks on the door.
Tom: Mrs Mitchell, your Jez is spoiling our game. He keeps saying he's the son of God or somethink.
Marline (angry): I'll give him son of God. He's been full of these silly ideas since his dad buggered off and left me.
(She calls loudly into the street): Jeremy!!!
Jeremy: Yes mother?
Marline: Jeremy...., take that silly sheet from around your head and play nice. You'll be coming in for your tea in a minute.
Jeremy: Aw mum, do I have to? My people need me.
Marline: I'll give you "my people need me" when I get you in here!!
Dick: Told yer! You're a crazy git Jez Mitchell.
Scene 3. Ten years later. Inside a Super-Store at night with some shelf-stackers at work.
Sam (the overseer): We need more Fairy washing up liquid on aisle fourteen, Brad. Make sure it's full to overflowing. Then take a load of those bog-of frozen chickens and stock up the end chest in aisle 6.
Brad: Why is it always ME that has to handle the frozen stuff? My fingers are like ferkin ice. Can't Jez do it?
Sam: I've been trying to find Jez for the past hour, he seems to have disappeared.
Brad: He's always doing that, disappearing. One minute he's there and the next minute... Puff, he's gone.
Sounds off. Puff!! Jeremy walks from between the stacked Cornflakes.
Jeremy: You seek me and am here.
Brad: Where the 'ell 'ave you been? We're short 'anded as it is! Giz us a lift wi these frozen chickens, will yer.
Sam: Aye, give 'im an 'and, Jez. We ain't gorrall neet you idle bugger.
Jeremy: The Lord works in mysterious ways.. his wonders to perform.
Sam: Well he ain't the only one and you ain't no lord, so get your bloody finger out.
Brad: And take that silly towel off your head.
......to be continued (maybe)
- ▼ 2017 (8)
- ► 2008 (61)
- White Charcoal
- Mansfield, United Kingdom
- I am over 69. Up to a couple of years ago I'd have described myself as fit and decisive. Now I'm not so sure. I am into DIY. If my wife asks me to do something I say; "Do It Yourself".....Click on my Older Posts for more reading. Or try: http://www.chrisbeach.co.uk/viewQuotes.php