A loose screw.

(A short short tale)

It wasn't the first time I'd had the hots for Louise, she'd stirred my feelings on quite a number of occasions in the past. She was so damn sexy she could have drawn an erotic adventure out of an old football boot.

Lou (she preferred that) was only a tiny woman, big brown eyes, about five feet nothing and reputed to be absolute dynamite in the sack. Or least-ways from what I had heard. Looking at her now across the smoke filled bar I watched as she stared morosely into her drink.

It looked for all the world that she had the whole of the world's problems on her thin shoulders as she brushed away a slight tear that had threatened to undo her make up and run into her low cut cleavage, barely covered by her white cotton top. I felt an involuntary stab of being sorry for her, it wasn't at all like her to go down, in the metaphorical sense of the word anyway.

I watched for a few more minutes and then I decided to wander over and see if I could be of any help.

"Hi, Lou, how's things?" I'd never been good at talking to girls.

"F..k off, tosser!" She could be a bit forthright could Louise.

"Fer Christ's sake I was only askin', you look a bit . . . sort of . . . fed up."

"I am f.....g fed up. Not that it's any of YOUR business."

At least she was talking, I thought.

I scrabbled for something more that I could say.

"Can I get you a drink?" I asked. "What's that you have there?"

"It's Coke, but I could do with something a bit stronger. Stick me a vodka in it. Make it a large one."

"One large one coming right up." As I walked away to the bar I thought I caught her whispered aside; "I should be so lucky."

Whilst being served at the bar I looked back to the table and saw that Louise had got the attention of a couple of guys at the next table. I saw they were deep in conversation and then I watched as she kissed one of the guys full on the lips as he deftly took a couple of folded bills from her ample cleavage. Quite obviously a well practised move, I thought.

And then she pulled away and he and his companion left, as quickly as that. I took the fresh drinks back to our table.

"What did they want?" I asked.

"Nuthin."

"Nobody don't want nuthin!" I said, "What were they after?"

"I've told you, NUTHIN!" She raised her voice and glared down her flared nostrils at me.

"Louise, I know pushers when I see them. That guy, the tall one, he passed you a screw, didn't he?"

"So!?"At that point the quiet was suddenly shattered by a dozen cops bursting in with guns drawn. They had entered through all the doors and were covering any chance of exit.

"THIS IS THE POLICE! FREEZE! STAY WHERE YOU ARE, ALL OF YOU!" The orders came through a bullhorn.

Louise roughly grabbed my arm, spun me round to face her and kissed me full on the lips. Her tongue busied itself with my teeth and gums forcing the little package deep into my reluctant throat. I gulped, choked a little, and it was gone.

She withdrew her lips from mine but sat there with a quizzical expression on her beautiful perfect face, and then she . . . she . . . brought her lips close to mine . . . and we kissed again.

But this time it was a for REAL coming together of lips, tongues and souls. The electricity flowed between us like no other time in my life. I'd heard of love striking like this but had dismissed it as fantasy. It was like being struck by a lightning bolt.

After a short spell spent body searching me, Louise and the other customers, the police and their dogs withdrew without finding anything.

Though I did get one more quizzical look from some beautiful big brown eyes. This time it was from a jacketed King Charles Spaniel sniffer dog.

We withdrew too. Back to my apartment.

Louise REALLY WAS good in the sack, as our long and happy marriage proved it to be.

AWA

Adults only criminals please.

DO NOT TACKLE TEENAGE YOBS!

Screams the headline in my paper. Croydon (South London UK) law enforcement officers have been instructed by their Chief Coordinator NOT to tackle teenage trouble makers but to concentrate on targeting adults instead. This ruling comes after two cops were beaten up by a gang of rampaging youths after the officers admonished a 15 year old girl for dropping litter in a precinct. They ordered her to pick it up, which she did, but then she dropped it down again. She and a pal then became aggressive and the cops were then kicked, punched and bitten by a mob of teenagers.

These law enforcement officers do not have powers of arrest(?) but are there to tackle antisocial crimes such as litter, graffiti and abandoned cars.

After the attack an email was sent by their chief to the officers saying that he was "emphatic" that his law officers should not approach teenage yobs. Instead they should concentrate on adults because they tend not to be violent and they also pay fixed penalty notices (fines) more readily. He went on: "Whilst delivering our activity with fairness, we should not be putting ourselves in any unreasonable danger by doing so. Take care and take it easy."

Critics slammed the ruling as "cowardice and lunacy." Former Flying Squad commander John O'Connor said: "It is an abject act of cowardice which is only going to result in more officers and police being put at risk. This is yet another example of the law only being enforced against the law-abiding. They are simply targeting people who will pay fines whilst ignoring those who won't. All they are doing is storing up problems for the future - this is cowardice and lunacy."

So there you have it. If you want to be above the law, then I suggest that you physically fight back. And if you can get other oldies to join in the attack on these"law officers" there should come a point when they won't bother even trying to enforce the laws of the land ON ANYBODY!

Next stop, ANARCHY.

*CLICK TO RETURN TO MY PROFILE*

Shop a crook? P**s off!!

13 July 2008 My newspaper reports that

Bedfordshire (UK) Police are sending out postcards asking people to inform on any criminal activity in their neighbourhood. "If there's a burglar living near you, we want to know about him." said a police spokesman adding, "We KNOW where most burglars live but we need evidence to convict them."

But it's alright Bedfordshire police telling us that we should shop people we suspect of being up to no good. I did exactly that a couple of years ago. We had a neighbour at the time who was into everything criminal: Burglary, stealing electricity (he'd bypassed the meter), pinching alloy wheels from off cars and reselling them on at the door, stealing and ringing cars and evading taxes insurance and MOTs, and even growing cannabis. These were only a few of his activities.

I reported the matter to the police and they persuaded me to appear as a prosecution witness against him in the magistrate's court. I was promised there would be other witnesses from the electricity board and the police.

On the day of the court appearances (two separate charge sheets against this crook for two different appearances on the same day) I was there bright and early on the morning to do my bit. No other witnesses turned up and the first case of stealing £1,500 worth of electricity was thrown out because of that.

I was sent home but had to go back that afternoon for the second series of offences. I was called to give my evidence and was made to feel like a criminal. And even though the counsel for his defence was a thick as two short planks; he'd asked me .... "And what colour was the blue car?" and he also questioned my times for the said offences only to agree with them a couple of minutes later, saying; "I was just testing you."... the defendant got away with a three months gaol, suspended for twelve months on each of three charges.

But OUR troubles had started BEFORE the cases. Our property was vandalised on numerous occasions either to intimidate me into not giving evidence against him. When he was released without having to serve any time in clink he proceeded to vandalise our property at every opportunity for a full six months! My elderly and infirm wife had building bricks thrown through her car windows which were smashed and a door panel has STILL not been replaced after over six months. We also had numerous bottles and beer cans thrown at our house windows, usually from a passing truck or car. We even paid for and had installed CCTV (on the advice of the police) to catch him in action, which we did on four or five occasions, and the police took the DVD recordings and other evidence to test for fingerprints and DNA. These tests proved positive and matched the guy. And yet the case against him was dropped DUE TO LACK OF EVIDENCE!?

So, all in all it was a disaster for us and he - the criminal - got off Scot Free and he's still out there!!

I have vowed never to appear as a witness ever again and will strive to turn a blind eye to ongoing crime every time.

*CLICK TO RETURN TO MY PROFILE*

I got tagged.

I got tagged, see below!

TAGGING RULES:



a) Write 10 facts about yourself ie. goals, aspirations or anything else you feel may be of interest or you'd like everyone here to know about you. 



b) Tag 10 people of your choosing here at MySpace (but do NOT tag back the person that tagged you) by sending each person a notification through the private messaging utility.



c) In your message to the person you tag let them know they have been tagged and to read your related blog post for tagging rules and how to proceed. Remind your taggee to play along to keep the game going!

Have fun with it!



NOTE: I refuse to taggee anyone!



My 10 confessions.





1) My wife and I have been together fifty years. She was my first real love.

2) We have four lovely daughters and they each have three children.





3) I left school at fourteen and a half (six months before I should have) - to get away from an abusive teacher.

4) My first job was as a maintenance painter and decorator.

5) My second job was as a wall and floor tiler and I was thus employed until retirement.

6) I've also had short periods as: lumberjack: cotton winder: plastic molder.

7) My real passion is writing and talking rubbish.

8) My other love is long distance walking. My longest walk being Thurso to Lands End via John o'Groats (UK).



9) I don't smoke, take illegal substances or dabble in crime. But I do like a drink now and again. (Now'll do. I'll have another one again later.)

10) I love chips and gravy.



There, that wasn't too bad. Hardly set the world on fire but hey! What ya see is what ya get!