Sunbed parking meters.

Man the deckchairs!

Admit it, we've all been there haven't we? We've all been on a holiday in the sun and found ourselves on the beach, by the pool or on the sun-deck of a cruise liner.

It's sunny and it's mid-morning and we're trying to find an empty sun-lounger or deckchair. But most of them are occupied with sun-worshippers while the rest are occupied by colourful towels. Even at 6.30 in the morning these sun-loungers and deckchairs are occupied but at this time in a morning they are ALL OCCUPIED BY TOWELS!!

Yes, it's the German invasion. They weren't happy with invading Poland, France and half of the rest of sodding Europe, now they resort to annexing all the bloody deckchairs!! Why do the selfish German b*****ds' feel that they have to do this?

Recently - in my newspaper, The SUN - I heard about a captain of a cruise ship being probed by race-relations chiefs for upsetting these rampaging Hun hoards - by banning them from putting towels on sunbeds. He said: "We don't want any sort of Germanic behavior aboard this ship!" And good on him for saying so, I say.

But some of the passengers aboard the P&O 77,000 ton Oceana reported him to The Equal Rights Commission! This row came after he had put a twenty minute limit on folk reserving sunbeds. It seemed to me like a bloody good idea. A P&O spokesman for Captain Christopher Wells - who has since been promoted to command the Queen Mary 2 - has: "apologised unreservedly" to the passengers.

But didn't Captain Wells have a very valid point?

I believe that it is high time that all sun-loungers, sunbeds and deckchairs have parking meters attached to them. One Euro (or equivelant) gets you one hour of sunbathing, and NO towel reserving at all.

Peace in our time? You gotta be joking.