It's a dogs life.

Worming made easy.

The last time we wormed Saffy our little Cavalier KC Spaniel, we had a fight on our hands.

No amount of cajoling would make her swallow those little but expensive tablets, she just spat them out. So this time I thought that I would use my superior intelligence to combat her stubborn wiles.

One of her many weaknesses is passion for Mars Bar. Just a teensy weensy bit mind! We appreciate that chocolate isn't good for dogs but on the other hand fags and booze ain't exactly beneficial to us humans are they, eh?

So on the morning of her worming I got a Mars Bar and diced it. Then I carved little holes in three of the pieces and after secreting a pill in each piece I sealed them up with caramel.

I then arranged the pieces of Mars in two heaps on the coffee table. Are you with me or are you ahead of me? You're ahead!

I took one bit off my pile and ate it with yummy! yummy! sounds and then gave her a piece from her side and she wolfed (spanieled) it down in no time. SUCCESS!!

I then took another piece from my heap and ate it and gave another piece with a pill in to the dog. That went down a treat too. Now I was really on a roll.

I took another bit from my pile and fed it to the dog and the next bit I swallowed!

Now where was I? I can't recall the exact sequence of events that followed but I do know that all the Mars Bar went but I'm unsure as to whether Saffy got all the dose or whether I swallowed some.

If there are any vets among you out there, is my health or Saffy's at risk if I have? I'd really like to know.

Making marriage work.

The newly wedded couple had only been together a week when the young husband went back home to his Mum. "I'm sick of getting the same meals every day," he cried. "Nothing but wedding cake and chips."

He'd only been married three months when he confided to a mate: "I've just had a terrible shock. I have just discovered that my wife is a liar."

"How do you know?" asked his mate.

"She told me that she was out with her cousin Mary last night, but I was out with Mary last night!" came the reply.

His wife was talking to a friend. "Housework is SO boring," she said. "I make the beds, clean the floors, do the dishes and wash the clothes and three months later I have to do it again!"

She was the same bride who was too shy to initiate sex. She just didn't know the right words or how to go about it. So her husband said;

"There's no need to be shy. If you want sex just pull this once," he said pointing to his wedding tackle.

"But what if I don't want sex." she whimpered shyly.

"Darling, if you don't want sex just pull it about three hundred and fifty times!" he replied.