I found a body.

I found a body. A true story.

It was a fine springlike winter’s day as I walked my dog through our local beauty spot.

From my vantage point - a little way above and alongside a stream with woods beyond - I could see, amongst the leaf bereft trees and partially covered in bracken, what appeared to be the body of a young child dressed in green anorak, green trousers and yellow boots.

It did cross my mind that it might be an old Guy Fawkes dummy left to dupe the unwary but I thought that I'd better investigate just in case it wasn't.

As the water was a little too deep at that point I had to walk a little further upstream before I could cross safely and then make my way back through the undergrowth to the body. As I closed in on it and had it in view, I still wasn't sure whether or not it was a body, but it certainly still gave me that impression.

Even up close and looking down on it I wasn’t sure. But just in case it could turn out to be a crime scene, I gingerly lifted it with my walking stick hooked inside the hood. It was as heavy as a young child but closer inspection of its flat blank face proved it to be a sort of doll like dummy.

Feeling both relieved and sort of disappointed at the same time and not wishing to leave it there to dupe other passers-by, I decided to move it and so started to drag it to a bridge a little further upstream.

I’d managed to make about fifty yards or so when at that point I noticed two men in uniform walking towards me on the other bank of the stream. My God, I thought, POLICE! This could be more serious than I reckoned on.

I heard the chatter of walkie-talkies which added to my concern. And then I saw them properly and realized that they were firemen. The leader, a Captain Mainwaring type, called out to me; “...where are you going with that?” and; “...put that f*****g body back!”

Apparently they were undergoing an exercise. The two firemen crossed the stream and abruptly took charge of the situation, dragging the “corpse” back to where I’d found it.

My dog and I carried on with our walk and a little further upstream - just out of sight around a bend - stood a big red fire engine complete with crew of about a dozen giggling firemen.

I made sheepish tracks home and, as this had been the second false alarm I’d suffered when discovering “dead bodies”, I silently vowed never to check on a “body” ever again.

That first time? Well I was walking along this beach when I spotted what I took to be a body floating just out to sea.........................(but that’s another story).